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What can we
do in our parenting to make the world a better place?
Begin with
five keys to raising children with solid values and a bright future:
1. Create a sense of security...
A home environment characterized by warmth, trust and respect is paramount. Feelings of security come from knowing what
to expect, feeling safe and protected, being able to trust others, and having the ability to anticipate what is likely to
happen in given situations. Children gain more security when the parents follow consistent standards. To
do that, both parents must play their part of "actively parenting". If not, the child can gain a power
by using one parent against the other.
2. Strengthen the sense of identity... A basic need all children have is to develop positive feelings
about themselves. Children reflect feelings expressed to them verbally, physically, psychologically and emotionally.
They develop feelings of being loved or being rejected based on the feedback they have taken in. If a parent is continually
anxious, the child will doubt their own abilities. But if the parent is at ease with theirself, the children will
more likely reflect the same confident feelings. Again, consistency between parents is vital.
3. Foster a sense of belonging... The sense of belonging or connectedness is a basic human need.
The feeling we are an accepted member of something larger than ourself. Children with a strong sense of belonging are
more likely to share, take turns, contribute to the welfare of others, accept others and have a sense of social justice.
If one or both parents are not available physically, mentally or emotionally, the child cannot gain a healthy sense of
belonging. Expressing love consistently by words, actions and just spending quality time with your child does wonders
for their sense of belonging.
4. Inspire a sense of purpose... Children need to feel their lives have significance and that things
they do are relevant to what they want to achieve or become. Motivation, conviction, determination, perseverence, integrity
and ethical values are all developed through a sense of purpose. Demonstrate faith and confidence in your child's
ability to succeed. Seek to instill your values in your child, but be careful to "walk the talk" or the
child will spot the hypocrisy instantly. Hypocrisy erodes your child's trust in you and ultimately
defeats their sense of purpose.
5. Build a sense of personal competence... Feelings
of competence enable children to exhibit self-confidence, resilience and independence. With a solid personal competence
they gain the confidence to deal with whatever life brings. Help them develop positive and productive attitudes and
always celebrate successes!
* Lavish your child
with love!... This is the most important thing you can do for your child. Love your child with words,
actions, praise and most of all, time. Time is more important than words.
* Don't put
your wants before your children's needs...
Too many times we are so involved in what we want out of life that we allow our pursuit of those "wants" to
overshadow the "needs" of our children. In most cases our wants eat up our time that could
better be spent with our children. As part of the decision to have children, we must acknowledge we will likely forego
many wants during the time our children are still at home. If we aren't prepared to do this, then we weren't
prepared to start a family in the first place. But all is not lost, it's not too late to change the priority back
to where it should be, spending time with your children. All it takes is your recommitment to put your children first.
* Be consistent... This cannot be overstated. Whether it is being consistent directly to your
child or both parents being being "on the same page" when it comes to their attention as well as their expectations.
* Don't try to be your child's best friend... Your job is not to be their friend,
it is to be their parent. If you bring yourself down to their level, it will lower your credibility as
a parent and it will also erode their respect for you.
* If you have
others to add, please share them!... Send an email to me at the link below and you will receive a response.
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